Husband Day Care Centre

Source unknown. It was forwarded to me so I can’t credit the source.

Marketing Concepts Made Easy

A Professor at one of the Universities was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!”

- That’s Direct Marketing

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. Marry him.”

- That’s Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.”

- That’s Telemarketing

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: “By the way, I’m rich. Will you marry me?”

- That’s Public Relations

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: “You are very rich! Can you marry me?”

- That’s Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

- That’s Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband.

- That’s demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she goes with him

- That’s competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your wife arrives.

- That’s restriction for entering new markets

The Man Among the Coffee beans

THE TRICK IS TO FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS: This is bizarre – after you find the guy – it’s so obvious. Once you find him – it’s embarrassing, and you think, “Why didn’t I see him immediately?” Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger! And yes, the man is really there! After you find the man in the beans forward the e-mail to your brainy friends.

Smiles

THESE MORNING WALKS ARE KILLING ME!!!! WHAT PART OF QUIET DIDN’T YOU UNDERSTAND? OK NOW DON’T MOVE FOR ABOUT A WEEK! SORRY MOM, I’M NEW AT THIS! I hate it when this happens! I’M SO CUTE, THEY DON’T CARE IF I SHRED THIS!! I REALLY NEED TO GET GOING, BUT JUST CAN’T SEEM TO GET MOTIVATED…………. Hey..gimme my BALL back!! I said, Go to sleep!! Nice doggie..GOOD boy A little power nap… Sleeping in again WHAT PETS DO WHEN WE’RE AT WORK att00043 att00050 att00046 att00045 att00051 att00042 att00049 att00052 att00044 att00047 att00048 HAVE YOU SMILED TODAY ?? It is done by moving the corners of the mouth upward. LET ME SHOW YOU HOW……. att00056 att00054 att00057 att00055 att00053 NOW PASS IT ON AND MAKE SOMEONE ELSE SMILE!!! Just in case nobody has smiled at you today….

Never Make A Woman Angry…..!!!

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table.

Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her, “Hello. How are you! We’ve been waiting for you! Good to see you.”

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,

“This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?”

“You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her.

“Which word?” the woman asked.

“Love.”

The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

“I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?”

“You have to spell a word,” the woman told him.

“Which word?” her husband asked.

“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”, she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!

NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung-disease

pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

(Now you’ve learned a new word.)